Beyond Belief Q&A
Beyond Belief Q&A
The Comparison Trap
The Comparison Trap
Comparison leads to the separation and a state of unhappiness. So why do we do it?
In this episode, Lisa asks how to stop the comparison. We look at examples of when the mind perceives itself as lesser than or better than other people and how to bring about self-acceptance into our lives.
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If you are wondering how to stop comparing yourself, we explore todays question from Lisa and she writes…..
“I have a graphic design business and even though I am relatively successful and enjoy what I do, when I view the work of other graphic designers, I can’t help comparing and then judge myself, seeing my work as inadequate. How do I stop the comparison game?”
We have all done it, compared ourselves to others, desiring to have more because what we think will make us happy is presently and perhaps painfully out of reach. We see what’s in the next lane and forget about our own value, dislocating and disconnected from our authentic selves.
Comparison takes many forms. It could be focusing on appearances, achievements, financial position, relationships, or education level. Emotions such as jealously, envy and not being enough surface.
How do we stop comparing ourselves to others?
There are two ways to look at how comparison functions. You will either be satisfied with yourself or not, using others and your surroundings to derive a superficial benchmark of where you think you need to be.
Let’s start with being satisfied with yourself
- Seeing oneself with a heightened sense of self-worth can form addictive attachments, constantly dependant on the external world of things.
Eg. The work place has given you promotion after promotion, you are flying on a high, your sense of self is identified of your achievements and accolades. Then one day, you are made redundant after an organisation restructure. Fear, Loss and devastation surface. Your sense of self is derived from the loss of your achievements and accolades.
If we look at not being satisfied with yourself
- Seeing oneself as lessor than equates to low self-worth fraught with heavy thoughts and emotions. Situations continue to trigger non-acceptance and are negatively endured.
Eg. A successful person in your industry who has achieved a lot, created positive impact and is financially free causes you to react to your perceived lack. Identifying with someone’s else’s life and aspiring for their successes removes you from your authentic alignment and what life wants to uniquely create through you.
When comparison occurs, it contracts and diminishes. It divides and conquers. Long term, it can only lead to unhappiness and separation.
To stop comparing, be mindful when it arises. Discern the thoughts in your head creating the story. Eg. I don’t feel successful. Why does everyone else have what they want and I don’t?
It begins the process of disentanglement. Find and acknowledge the emotion that accompanies the story. Is it hopelessness, anger, disappointment? Be with these emotions, even if it causes discomfort.
Through observing the emotions, space is created, where negative thought is not occurring on repeat. Here lies the opportunity for deep understanding and dissolving of the false identity – the person who has accumulated labels and experiences on an outer level.
A direct experience of knowing, aliveness, and peace can permeate as resistance to painful emotions dissipates and dissolves. The ability to listen to your intuition also becomes more pronounced.
Here are some examples of turning comparison on its head.
- Losing a job is met with neutrality and seen as an opportunity to expand into the unknown positively. If fear arises, then it is recognised as a function of the mind and another opportunity presents to dissolve and transform the negative energy. Be present to it rather than reacting and fuelling it.
- Rather than comparing oneself to another’s accomplishments, You turn it into acceptance and appreciation. Understanding another’s experience prompts upliftment and resonance. You are acknowledging the reflection and recognising the qualities and gifts already present within you.
- Nothing anyone can say or do can disconnect you from your peace, connection and knowing. It is stronger than any mind based belief which wants to separate and look for reassurance in the opinions of others or things.
Here’s one of my favourite quotes by Anne Nwakama
A woman who walks in purpose doesn’t have to chase people or opportunities, her light causes people and opportunities to pursue her.
Thank you for your question Lisa
And thank you for watching. Any comments, pls post below in the comments section and If anyone has a question about love, life, business or wealth, click on the link below. I look forward to answering it.
Until next time,
Live your dream.