5 steps to find the clarity within the confusion
Sounds like a contradiction?
That’s the nature of confusion and within it, lies the answer to your dilemma.
But before you open the door to calling clarity in, have you been experiencing this?
Start – stop
Yes – no
Good – bad
I don’t know, can’t cope, maybe I'll do nothing.
What’s that? Feeling relief…..oh, I’m asleep.
Welcome to the battle of competing polarised thoughts, packaged into specific beliefs with emotional engines attached.
Confusion is code for; I want it but I can’t have it, over and over again - a contradiction in your beliefs creating conflict and confusion.
Confusion results because a new way of being, or situation is calling you to move beyond the old way of thinking and feeling.
Imagine sitting on your nice comfy couch and you hear a voice calling you from the front of the house and at the same time you are hearing a voice call you from the back. If you go out the front, you will be exposed to the neighbourhood (you aren’t wearing much) and if you go out the back, well it’s protected, fenced and contained....no where to go. yes, even you balcony people are fenced in!
The dilemma and confusion builds momentum....you need to make a choice, where you will go - but you can only be in one place at the same time.
Have you tried splitting yourself in two lately? Did it work for you?
So then what?
Ask a friend, your family, or write a list of pro’s and con’s?
This can help but it also adds more layers of choice. It moves you away from your feelings, your inner compass pointing the way out.
Other people will often give advice based on their own experiences and at best encourage you to take a leap of faith or at worst discourage you from embracing the new. What you are really listening for is something they are saying to resonate with you deep down.
Writing pros and cons may give you an analytical snap shot, but is it just words and an exercise in risk management you are debating?
Beliefs that feel good are hindered by beliefs that feel bad.
Let’s take some examples of big decisions that can leave you sitting on the proverbial confusion fence.
#1 You have emotionally left the relationship, spend limited time with your partner but still remain confused about how you feel and what to do next.
#2 You want to leave your job and start your own business but you can’t seem to motivate yourself to plan a course of action.
Let’s first work with #1
The impulse to leave your unfulfilling relationship has been chipping away for a while and the momentum has been building to such an extent that you are now feeling uncomfortable, frustrated, heavy and confused.
How do you bring yourself into alignment with your desires to bring a new lease on life and a good dose of happiness.
Begin by dissecting the beliefs holding you in the relationship and link your emotions with this belief
examples of old beliefs
- I’ll be lonely and won’t find anyone else – lost, sad
- It’s hard to meet new people – sad, lonely
- I could stay with my partner, it won’t be so bad if make an effort to be nice – compromised, trapped
- I will be financially unstable if I leave the relationship – afraid, powerless
- My kids will suffer if we split up - guilty
examples of new beliefs.....
- My friends have been through this and they are happier than ever with new partners - hope, excitement
- I owe it to my kids to be happy – strength, courage
- This is just like traveling into strange countries years ago - adventurous, curious
- I can seek legal advice and acquire information about what’s fair – empowered
- My new partner will want to build a life together – excited, expansive
The first five beliefs presume the worst. The key question is; are the beliefs you write down the template from which some of your life experiences have been built?
The next set of beliefs are focused on what is possible, perhaps not experienced yet but ideas circulating around you, beckoning you in to choose.
How about situation #2?
You want to leave your job and start your own business but you can’t seem to motivate yourself to plan a course of action
Again, begin by dissecting the beliefs holding you stuck at work and associate an emotion with this belief. Some examples below.
- What if I fail at being an entrepreneur? - embarrassed, despondent
- I wont be able to earn a stable income from what I want to do - frustrated
- There are too many competitors in my field - stagnation, jealousy
- People won’t like what I have to say - critisced, stupid
- I can eventually be promoted at work and I should feel happier - compromise, insignificant
And new beliefs?
- I can create a new life for myself – creative, explorative
- Mistakes aren’t a signpost to failure, they are a message I’m on the right track and there’s a better way - reassured, committed
- I will earn as much as I allow myself to earn –empowered, in control
- I have unique skills and delivery of services/products, my clients will see the value in what I offer – confident, proud
- Building my business is a step by step process involving focus and belief in myself – freedom, power
So here are the 5 steps I promised you.....
Next time you need to make a decision and feel confused, try the following;
- Write down all your thoughts/beliefs doing back flips and circles in your head.
- Now split them into a two – a column for what are fears or past experiences and what is new and unknown.
- Link all of these beliefs to your feelings.
- Decide what feels good and what doesn’t.
- Now choose how you would like to feel linked with the associated belief
watch what happens in the next few days. You are the own conductor of your emotional road map, OUT OF CONFUSION AND INTO CLARITY.